Despite the limited improvement that has been made in America (and the world), being a person of color is laborious, stifling, and even deadly. When I tell a white person about my personal experiences with racism and discrimination, they can only offer so much advice. They can hardly envision the things that they have been taught about in history class. That is the problem though, it is not just history. This is happening today and now, and ignoring that fact is dangerous. 

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The disappointing aftermath of this change is that we as people of color have to educate white people with our own personal experiences with racism and systematic oppression, or they will never know how common that actually is for people of color and will claim ignorance. If they are not told, they will not know how often racism disrupts our daily lives. This in itself is oppressive. We people of color are not free labor. People of color have been treated as so throughout history. This mentality is now being rewritten as "but if you want this development to happen, educate me." This emotional labor is not only given without pay but is also exhausting.

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One of the everyday struggles for people of color is finding spaces to exist where they are safe and respected. We have to do our research before we go places; we have to decide if the benefit outweighs the risk. This applies everywhere, from grocery stores to even the college you attend. As a person of color, I did that research. I found that IUPUI was known for its diversity; it even emphasized inclusion and inclusivity. The importance placed upon these three things made me feel confident about going to school; I felt that my education opportunities would be equal. 

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After the death of George Floyd, on top of the outbreak of COVID-19, I found myself having a lot of anxiety about going outside in public spaces, especially at school. There was so much anger and carelessness swarming our country, I could only imagine the worst happening to me. It was crippling anxiety, there was nothing I could do about it. I felt torn between taking a break from school and telling myself that was the cowardly thing to do, plus I never quit something unless it’s finished. 

IUPUI relieved me of my anxiety when they put the Black Lives Matter banner across the school. I even posted it on my social media, proud that I was attending a University that valued my safety, at least that’s what I thought it meant. 

For my last year of college, I wanted to get the entire college experience. I intended on getting that by living on campus. I could never afford to live on campus years prior; that was no exception to this year. I decided to apply to the resident assistant program. I got the job, and I was beyond excited to live out the college dream. This feeling did not last long. My role has provided me with more insight into what was going on behind the scenes. What I discovered about IUPD was overwhelmingly disappointing. 

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My coworkers and I had a meeting with IUPD before the year began. Many of my coworkers who had been RAs in years prior warned me about how insufficient and problematic they could be (and are) for students. I did not want to believe them. I went in with an open mind, assuming that the police on our campus would be different than your average cop. I figured IUPUI would be cautious about the police that they allow to work here. I assumed this because of their "mission" on diversity and inclusion and the recent George Floyd movement. I found that I was wrong. 

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During this meeting, a handful of officers were present. They gave us a presentation, telling us all what they did. I do not think that they expected us to ask questions, but we did, and it was very evident that what we were asking had them flustered.

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RA: “Last year you say that you received 17 hours of ‘offense-handgun training’ but only 4 hours of ‘defensive training.’ Why?” 

IUPD: “We weren’t able to get enough time for defensive training because of COVID.”

RA: “How much training do you guys do with de-escalation?”

IUPD: “We don’t have focused training on de-escalation because de-escalation training is implemented in all of the training that we do.”

RA: “What does de-escalation training for racism or mental health bias look like?” 

IUPD: “We don’t have enough time to answer that question, but we did have an extensive eight-hour training on racial bias de-escalation.”

 

During this meeting, I started to feel that sinking feeling I had before when Mr.Floyd was murdered, “I’m not safe here.” At first, the sinking feeling started off as fear but quickly turned to anger. I was thinking, “You had 17 hours for offensive handgun training and couldn’t figure out how to divvy that time up between it and defensive training? Do you think having de-escalation embedded in other training without any emphasis makes a difference? You think that eight hours is enough to dismantle a system that has been in the works for 500+ years?” They were too careless for comfort. At this point, I had been in training for my RA position for three weeks and I thought, “I've been getting de-escalation training for the past three weeks and I feel underqualified, but I’m supposed to trust these people with my life?” 

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This meeting weighed on me heavily for the next couple of weeks. I was angry. I kept thinking about the banner across our school that had manipulated me into putting my trust in this school. “They don’t think my life matters. If they did this wouldn’t be happening.” 

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Following the meeting, I heard stories about IUPD overstepping its boundaries. They did this by responding to situations in campus dorms without informing a housing supervisor being present. The supervisors' being there is policy, it is to ensure the student's safety. I have also heard about IUPD showing up with an absurd amount of officers, which reasonably can intimidate the residents. 

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A few weeks ago there was a sexual assault incident. The perpetrator had already been reported for sexual assault before. Clearly, little effort was put into preventing the situation from happening again. The part that made it the most frustrating was that IUPD had refused to release the perpetrator’s name for his safety. How insulting that a monster's safety is a higher priority than his next victim, a higher priority than victims. IUPD has endangered far too many students; who exactly are they protecting?